After years of watching gems like Flavor of Love and The Bachelorette, have you finally decided to take the plunge and try out for a reality dating show? Of course, you have! But how exactly does one go about winning the competition — er — the heart of the eligible star of the series? Is there some sort of formula or algorithm to ensure success? Well, sadly, there is no algorithm (yet) but after watching hours of footage, we’ve come up with a simple list of Dos and Don’ts that will serve you well in your dating show adventures. Follow these tips, and you might just come out on top.
Don’t get drunk and pass out on the first night in the house.
On every reality dating show, the booze is free and plentiful; and because most people don’t have a seemingly endless supply of alcohol at home, walking into a reality dating show mansion is like stepping into a sexier version of Willy Wonka’s factory — where everlasting gobstoppers have been replaced with bottomless drinks.
This is obviously a calculated move by the show’s behind-the-scenes, production svengalis. Shots, wine, champagne — they’re all likely to give a somewhat reserved contestant the extra push he or she needs to jump into a pool naked. Inevitably, someone will allow the sexy Wonka vibes to get the best of them and end up passed out or just sloppy and incomprehensible. Don’t do this. You will be eliminated the first night of the show — it’s a tried-and-true way of separating the wheat from the chaff, the party humans from the party animals. Also, it’s not, you know, the healthiest course of action.
Do shove your face in your paramour’s face.
When you’re one of the 20-plus people competing for the affection of one dude/lady, you have to make sure that your face is constantly visible and recognizable. If possible, try to be like Danger, one of the women vying for bad boy Ray J’s affection on For the Love of Ray J, and get a tiger tattooed on your cheek.
Don’t tell anyone about your ulterior motives.
No one is going on a televised dating show without some sort of ulterior motive. At the very least, everyone who competes wants to be on TV. There isn’t anything inherently wrong with having an ulterior motive, but keep it to yourself. There is no honor among dating show roomies, and your real intentions while undoubtedly be whispered into the ear of Flavor Flav, Bret Michaels, the Bachelorette, etc.
Do win every challenge.
Challenges on reality dating shows are the modern, real world equivalent of chivalric ordeals. But, instead of smiting dragons to win the hand of their beloved, contestants have to participate in topless beauty pageants. It’s a fact — when you win challenges, you’re spared from elimination (and that’s true in life and dating shows). So, act like your life depends on the outcome of that sexy video chat challenge and give it all you’ve got.
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