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While it may seem like Friday the 13th’s Jason Voorhees kills indiscriminately, the psychopathic, hockey mask enthusiast does have a type, so to speak. Hot girls, particularly the ones predisposed to prancing around in white cotton panties, are disproportionately targeted by the nigh-invulnerable killer (and his mother, who was the killer in the franchise’s first film). Though the odds of anyone being able to avoid an ax or machete to the face in a Friday the 13th movie are slim, at best, you have absolutely no chance of making it to Saturday the 14th if you’re a sexy lady. Hot girls always die.

Why is this, though? Why must all the hottest, nude sunbathing-est girls die? Are the directors of the Friday the 13th movies attempting to make some sort of commentary on the impermanence of beauty? Have we all been watching these movies, mistakenly believing that they were simply awesome horror flicks when they were really offering a pointed social critique about superficiality? We’ll probably never know the answers to these questions, but we can watch all of these doomed girls and speculate.


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