If you’re feeling like a Material Girl (a sensation that crosses gender lines), or longing for those Dance Hall Days, be sure to Save A Prayer before you Beat It, because Girls Just Want to Have Fun. Um…Thriller?!

Dressing in ’80s fashion is simple. Here’s a list of basic tips:

  • Huge attitude begins with huge hair. Color and hold products like gel or mousse are a must. Now fluff that mane! If you can still get through a doorway you’re not trying hard enough. Gelled hair should be hard and sharp enough to take out an eye or impale unwary Rude Boys.
  • Raid your dad’s closet for one of his old oversized suit jackets. Roll up the sleeves to just below the elbow. Add a skinny tie, and flip up your shirt collar. Now tell yourself: “This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife.”
  • There’s no such thing as “too many accessories.” Load up, especially on bracelets, necklaces, and anything you can hang from your body — like an ocelot or an unemployed synthpop musician.
  • Thrift stores are a fantastic source for more stuff to wear. Aim for bright colors, wild patterns, and unusual textures; for extra attention, staple 50-dollar bills to your lapels. Or a live punk rocker.
  • Hats, hats, hats!
  • Sunglasses, sunglasses, sunglasses!
  • Cocaine, cocaine, cocaine!
  • Makeup should be bright. People around you should feel like they’re getting jabbed in the eye by properly gelled hair.
  • Palette choices: Neon. Pastel. Blood spatter — say “Hello” to my little friend!
  • At all times wear Sony Walkman headphones: It will prevent your hair from poking people’s eyes out. Run Duran Duran’s Rio album on an endless loop, and tell everybody you meet about how deep lead singer Simon Le Bon is.

Check the mirror, you gorgeous, er, thing. Do you look like the aftermath of a spectacular accident during which a paint truck smashed into a discount clothing store? Success!

Now rock that look!

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